I don't know about you, but this movie sucks!!! I guess you already knew that, so what's new?
Logan, or James, or Weapon X, or whatever his name is, is back with an origin story that is far from satisfactory. When he was a sickly child, in 1840s Canada, his father was gunned down for reasons I guess involve the next ten seconds. Little "James" develops bony claws and sinks them into the man who killed his father, except the man who killed his father WAS his father. Having no home to go to, James and his brother Victor journey through history becoming heroes in the American Civil War, World War I, World War II, and the Vietnam War. However, the war in 'Nam where they begin to rub shoulders. Victor is a trigger happy moron raining fire on villagers while Logan fights to keep his brother in tow. A senior officer gets killed, sentenced to a firing squad, and sat in jail after surviving the firing squad.
This calls the attention of Colonel William Stryker. He's baaaaaack. The dumbass from X2 recruits Logan and Victor to his team with special abilities. The team involves a mouthy martial artist named Wade, will.i.am in a cowboy hat that can teleport, and some blonde dude with an accent so terrible I can't tell if it's German or Russian; he can take a punch, I think, and he can punch harder. This adventure gets shortlived because Logan comes to his senses from terrorizing local villagers about a mysterious rock that fell from the sky. Logan ups and leaves.
Six years go by, Logan is working in a logging company, he has a hot girlfriend, he is happy. Until Stryker shows up asking for Logan's help. Someone is killing members of their team. Logan turns him down. Very soon afterward, he discovers his girlfriend dead on the side of the road with deep claw marks on the side of his car. Angry, he accepts helping Stryker and goes under a torturous treatment program that will make him indestructible. The magic rock they were looking for, when Logan, was filled with adamantium. The adamantium is injected into his skeleton which molds in with it. The side effect includes steel claws replacing his bone ones. Then, Logan's supersonic hearing picked up that his memory was to be erased and he escapes.
Logan teams up with his old buddy will.i.am to the location of the hidden rebel base to take down Stryker. First, he interrogates the weird German dude, who now has gained a lot of weight, and learns that the only person who knows the location of the base is an escaped convict. Then he and will.i.am travel to New Orleans to find Gambit, a mutant that can turn poker cards into throwing stars and uses a bo staff to create shockwaves. He pilots Logan to Three Mile Island, where the base is hiding among the nuclear power plant set there. Logan walks in to discover that his hot girlfriend was not only alive but a mole. Logan had figured out that Stryker had played him and was working with Victor, but he was shocked to find the woman he cared about was involved too.
Logan was about to walk out when the hot girlfriend turns to him in private and tells him she has feelings for him, too, but she only did it because her sister was a captive prisoner of Stryker's. And she's not the only one. The movie introduces us to a young Scott Summers, a.k.a. Cyclops. He gets taken by Victor; Victor has been rounding up mutants so Stryker can create the ultimate mutant in the martial artist, Wade, who was thought to be dead. Wade was being injected with a number of superpowers to become Deadpool, the ultimate mutant killing machine with no mouth to say anything. In an ultimate battle, no one dies, except for the hot girlfriend. Logan gets two adamantium bullets to the chest and loses his memory. We were treated with two post-credits scenes that really don't matter anymore since the Origins series was canceled.
The movie had potential but it really failed to deliver. Is the PG-13 rating holding them back? I've seen way worse sh*t in the MCU movies, and they are PG-13. There was no development for any of the characters. Logan needed no introduction since he starred in three previous chapters. Sabretooth is suddenly Logan's brother for some reason. Stryker's a d*ckhead; no need to tell us twice. The hot girlfriend was there to make us forget about the Jean Grey debacle. Cyclops and Deadpool were just there.
Deadpool was my first superhero movie, with the exception of Fantastic Four, which I have no memory of what happened. Seeing Wade in this movie was really sad actually. So he's good with swords. That's not an ability, that's a skill. Until he was experimented on, I don't think Wade had any powers at all. That really should've raised some questions when a non-mutant was recruited onto a mutant team, but it didn't.
Is this Gambit? The legendary, mythical Gambit? So he counts and smacks the ground with a stick, who cares? I like Taylor Kitsch and all, and he brings charisma to the character, but he's all talk and no walk. And when he walks, it's away. He engages in the fight unless the script says so. And he just taps the ground and everything is reset or something.
The hot girlfriend told Logan some bullsh*t story about how the Wolverine was tricked into getting flowers for the moon and leaving the spirit. When she died the first time, he called himself the Wolverine because of that story. That's BULL SH*T! That's how bad it is. I split a word into two. There's got to be a better story behind the name. Ororo is Storm because she controls the weather, makes sense. Wade is Deadpool because he is a cessPOOL of superpowers, m'kay. Tony Stark is Iron Man because he flies around in an "iron" suit, whatever. Logan is Wolverine because he heard it in some story, well la-di-freaking-dah.
I think the X-Men are cursed; they will never be seen on the big screen properly because they are struggling to find a balance of how cool they can make their fights and how to deal with their smaller issues.
Click image to view URL.
I hope you liked this. Be sure to subscribe and leave a comment about what you thought or if you want to recommend a movie for me to review. Thank you for reading. I'll return on Friday with another movie. See you then.
Released On: May 1, 2009
Rating: PG-13
Stars: Hugh Jackman, Liev Schrieber, Danny Huston, Ryan Reynolds
Director: Gavin Hood
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 37%
IMDb Score: 6.6/10
Videos
No comments:
Post a Comment