Movie Thoughts: "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2"

The MCU takes another commercial break by bringing us on another adventure with the Guardians. People of the Sovereign, led by Jordan Baker, fires her completely disposable CGI army, made of the set of Ready Player One, at the Guardians after Rocket steals some really important batteries, which is heresy apparently. Then they are miraculously saved by Ego the Living Planet, who is Peter’s legendary father.

After a nearly deadly crash landing, Rocket and Groot stay behind to repair the ship but get captured by Yondu and the Ravagers, or ex-Ravagers because Rocky Balboa cast Yondu out and I’m pretty sure they are too. However, for fear of getting cast out by the people of Xandar, Yondu had no intentions to turn over the Guardians of the Galaxy, so the ex-Ravagers take Yondu hostage as well.

Ego tries to reconnect with his estranged son and almost succeeds. He teaches him how to harness the power of a Celestial, and they throw a lightning ball like catch. Meanwhile, Drax is telling Mantis how ugly she is, and Gamora is uncertain about Ego. Mantis finally tells them that Ego is after his children, especially Peter. Ego tells Peter he wants him to join him in his Expansion to take over the universe. Peter was almost on board until Ego had to go and ruin the moment by saying he killed Peter’s mother.

Rocket, Groot, Yondu, and Kraglin escape the ex-Ravagers, in a battle that was better portrayed by How It Should Have Ended, and come in to save the others. Rocket builds a bomb to blow up the planet, and he succeeds despite the funny misunderstanding with Groot.

Yondu stays behind to rescue Peter from the exploding planet, gives him the space suit, and dies. My God, I nearly cried. Then the sentimental moment was ruined by four separate end credits scenes that don’t make any sense: Kraglin trying to harness Yondu’s arrow, The Space Expendables band together once again, Groot is now a teenager, and Stan Lee is given more cameos in this movie than perhaps any other Marvel movie, may he rest in peace.

This was better than the first movie on some occasions. The adventures are more fun. I recognize two of the songs, “Mr. Blue Sky” and “My Sweet Lord.” The saving the world banter is hilarious.

Ego may be the best villain because it was easy to hate him. He says he tried to be as human as he can. After admitting he killed Peter’s mother, Peter’s reaction was to shoot him in anger. Any dad on Earth would have laughed it off and said, “ Yeah, I deserve that.” But Ego doesn’t; instead, he’s mad that Peter dared to defy him. I hated him for that. And he dared to bring David Hasselhoff into this too. I also think he watched too many bad comedies to get the idea of what an Earth dad looks like. Everything he does, from “gotta take a whiz,” to relating over Looking Glass by singing it but not really singing it, that’s not what a father does. That only happens in movies.

Rocket acted like Captain America for a second in saying that he and Groot need to talk about his language. He’s the one to talk. He also swears like a sailor.

Let’s list how many movies this one rips off. I saw The Empire Strikes Back in the asteroid field. I saw Blade Runner in the snowy planet where Yondu gets cast out of the Ravagers. I saw a combination of Alice Through the Looking Glass and Frozen in Nebula and Gamora’s estranged relationship. I saw Starman at the beginning of the film. If Jeff Bridges already didn’t play a Marvel villain, he easily could have been Ego.

While you guys are wondering why Peter's Walkman still works after thirty years, I want to know a few things about the rest of the galaxy. How come it never occurred to Star-Lord to return to Earth to visit? How come he never Space Googled Earth and checked up on current events? How can he keep his sanity from hearing the same twenty songs over and over again for thirty years? I can’t hear a tape more than twice in a row. Why do the residents of the galaxy speak English? Is English the first language of the galaxy? Are there no other languages spoken in the universe except for the Elven language in Thor 2 and whatever the hell Ronan spoke? Why is the profanity the same as ours? Is there a hell? What is their version like? Is Botticelli’s Map of Hell the stuff of legends or do they have it displayed in a museum?

The Guardians of the Galaxy still haven’t made their entrance into the MCU. I’m starting to wonder if the Guardians storyline is just a side project. It just seems we're farting around at this point. Civil War was a waste of time, even though I said it was a genius movie. This movie exists because it does. Ant-Man is basically Everybody Hates Scott. So, I guess this is a loss for me. There is no reason for this movie to exist other than to pass the time.

I hope you liked this. Be sure to subscribe and leave a comment about what you thought or if you want to recommend a movie for me to review. Thank you for reading. I'll return next week with another movie. See you then.

Released: May 5, 2017

Rating: PG-13

Stars: Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Bradley Cooper, Vin Diesel, Kurt Russell

Director: James Gunn

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 83% Certified Fresh

IMDb Score: 7.7/10

Awards

Academy Awards