Movie Thoughts: "Solo: A Star Wars Story"

I followed this movie throughout its rocky production, and I even feared that Ron Howard's touch would break off from the traditional B-rated sci-fi flick we love from the Star Wars franchise. Well, I don't have to worry about that because it sucked anyway. I thought that the trailer told a very different, and more fun, story than the actual movie.

The trailer opens up with Woody Harrelson saying he's got a job, and he's putting together a crew. That means Jabba is involved. The crew involved recruiting Lando and his iconic ship. But then we watch the movie and it's the generic separated/must get back together story. And what didn't really help was that they shoehorned everything we know about Han Solo into this thing, so there was no time to enjoy the movie.

L3-37 was probably the most disappointing character in the Star Wars universe. She went from an adventurous droid in the trailer to an advocate for droids that no one wanted. That's like having Yoda fight Count Dooku for a bit and then asking to talk about the plight of tiny aliens in the galaxy.

I don't hate Alden's take on the scruffy nerf herder, but I feel he was too cocky like a blue flame special. And he basically accidentallies himself in and out of situations that gets him where he is today. I mean the dude happened to speak Wookie so he can be friends with Chewie.

And correct me if I'm wrong, but after seeing this movie, does that mean Han Solo single-handedly took out the Empire? Let's review the list of events that lead to the fall of the Empire.

1. Gave 60 Million credits of refined coaxium to a band of thieves starting a rebellion

2. Provided passage for a droid carrying the stolen Death Star plans

3. Rescued an important figurehead from said Death Star

4. Aided Luke Skywalker by taking out multiple bogies on his tail so Luke can fire the fatal shot on the Death Star

5. When Luke went missing on Hoth, and no one else was willing to find him, he faced the dropping temperatures to find Luke still alive

6. When the Hoth rebel base fell to the Empire, he rescued an important figurehead AGAIN, even though his own ship was disabled

7. When betrayed by his ally, he sacrificed himself to save the others by being put into carbon freeze

8. Despite suffering from hibernation sickness, he was able to aid in escaping Jabba the Hutt, including taking out the notorious Boba Fett and saving Lando Calrissian

9. Led a team to disable the shield generator that was protecting the Death Star II

10. Provided his precious, yet reliable, ship to the team in charge of taking down Death Star II

This had so many twists and turns that it wasn't enjoyable. You know Han was going to betray Woody Harrelson, and I was kind of hoping Q'ira was going to die to we can tie off that loose and get Han together with Leia. But, noooo, she's a pawn in Darth Maul's master plan. I loved Darth Maul as much as the next guy, but I watched him get b*tch killed by a younger, more inexperienced Jedi. He didn't deserve to come back. Granted, I was a child when he died, and I didn't know any better, but I stand by that statement. Any reason to bring him back is a big middle finger to those who moved on, and I'll give one right back.

Lando and Han's relationship never took off, no matter much you spin it from a certain point of view. Now, their meeting on Bespin will forever be the "Hey, remember the time I cheated at cards and won your ship?" scene instead of the "Your ship? Hey, I won her fair and square" scene.

Oh, and the biggest letdown of the whole damn thing is the Kessel Run. For years, I thought it was a passage everyone knew. A small cluster of asteroids that hover near the planet Kessel and Han maneuvered the route in less than 12 parsecs, a thing of legend. Instead, it was a race against time to get from Kessel to that one place I forget now because I don't care. So no, Ben Kenobi would not have heard of the Millenium Falcon, the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, especially if you're the only one bragging about it.

Should the sequel get greenlit, fingers crossed that it doesn't, maybe the writers should think about how Han turns into the scruffy nerf herder we know and love.

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If you liked Movie Thoughts, check out my other blog, Before I Go See It, where I give upcoming movies the same treatment based on their trailers.

Released On: May 25, 2018

Rating: PG-13

Stars: Alden Ehrenreich, Woody Harrelson, Emilia Clarke, Donald Glover, Paul Bettany

Director: Ron Howard

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 70%

IMDb Score: 7.0/10

Awards

Academy Awards