"Solo: A Star Wars Story"

I followed this movie throughout its rocky production, and I even feared that Ron Howard's touch would break off from the traditional B-rated sci-fi flick we love from the Star Wars franchise. Well, I don't have to worry about that because it sucked anyway. I thought that the trailer told a very different, and more fun, story than the actual movie.

The trailer opens up with Woody Harrelson saying he's got a job, and he's putting together a crew. That means Jabba is involved. The crew involved recruiting Lando and his iconic ship. But then we watch the movie and it's the generic separated/must get back together story. And what didn't really help was that they shoehorned everything we know about Han Solo into this thing, so there was no time to enjoy the movie.

L3-37 was probably the most disappointing character in the Star Wars universe. She went from an adventurous droid in the trailer to an advocate for droids that no one wanted. That's like having Yoda fight Count Dooku for a bit and then asking to talk about the plight of tiny aliens in the galaxy. 

I don't hate Alden's take on the scruffy nerf herder, but I feel he was too cocky like a blue flame special. And he basically accidentallies himself in and out of situations that gets him where he is today. I mean the dude happened to speak Wookie so he can be friends with Chewie.

And correct me if I'm wrong, but after seeing this movie, does that mean Han Solo single-handedly took out the Empire? Let's review the list of events that lead to the fall of the Empire. 

1. Gave 60 Million credits of refined coaxium to a band of thieves starting a rebellion 

2. Provided passage for a droid carrying the stolen Death Star plans

3. Rescued an important figurehead from said Death Star

4. Aided Luke Skywalker by taking out multiple bogies on his tail so Luke can fire the fatal shot on the Death Star 

5. When Luke went missing on Hoth, and no one else was willing to find him, he faced the dropping temperatures to find Luke still alive

6. When the Hoth rebel base fell to the Empire, he rescued an important figurehead AGAIN, even though his own ship was disabled 

7. When betrayed by his ally, he sacrificed himself to save the others by being put into carbon freeze

8. Despite suffering from hibernation sickness, he was able to aid in escaping Jabba the Hutt, including taking out the notorious Boba Fett and saving Lando Calrissian

9. Led a team to disable the shield generator that was protecting the Death Star II

10. Provided his precious, yet reliable, ship to the team in charge of taking down Death Star II 

This had so many twists and turns that it wasn't enjoyable. You know Han was going to betray Woody Harrelson, and I was kind of hoping Q'ira was going to die to we can tie off that loose and get Han together with Leia. But, noooo, she's a pawn in Darth Maul's master plan. I loved Darth Maul as much as the next guy, but I watched him get b*tch killed by a younger, more inexperienced Jedi. He didn't deserve to come back. Granted, I was a child when he died, and I didn't know any better, but I stand by that statement. Any reason to bring him back is a big middle finger to those who moved on, and I'll give one right back.

Lando and Han's relationship never took off, no matter much you spin it from a certain point of view. Now, their meeting on Bespin will forever be the "Hey, remember the time I cheated at cards and won your ship?" scene instead of the "Your ship? Hey, I won her fair and square" scene.

Oh, and the biggest letdown of the whole damn thing is the Kessel Run. For years, I thought it was a passage everyone knew. A small cluster of asteroids that hover near the planet Kessel and Han maneuvered the route in less than 12 parsecs, a thing of legend. Instead, it was a race against time to get from Kessel to that one place I forget now because I don't care. So no, Ben Kenobi would not have heard of the Millenium Falcon, the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, especially if you're the only one bragging about it.

Should the sequel get greenlit, fingers crossed that it doesn't, maybe the writers should think about how Han turns into the scruffy nerf herder we know and love.

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I hope you liked this. Be sure to subscribe and leave a comment about what you thought or if you want to recommend a movie for me to review. Thank you for reading. I'll return next week with another movie. See you then.

If you liked Movie Thoughts, check out my other blog, Before I Go See It, where I give upcoming movies the same treatment based on their trailers.

Released On: May 25, 2018

Rating: PG-13

Stars: Alden Ehrenreich, Woody Harrelson, Emilia Clarke, Donald Glover, Paul Bettany

Director: Ron Howard

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 70%

IMDb Score: 7.0/10

Awards

Academy Awards

• Best Visual Effects Rob Bredow, Patrick Tubach, Neal Scanlan, and Dominic Tuohy - Nominated

(Click here to view more awards for "Solo: A Star Wars Story")

Videos

CinemaSins - Everything Wrong with Solo: A Star Wars Story

Screen Junkies - Honest Trailers - Solo: A Star Wars Movie

How It Should Have Ended - Solo: A Star Wars Story - HISHE Review (SPOILERS & THEORIES)

The People v. Suzie

In the last month, we've gone from hating Hopper to hating Max, and now we're hating Suzie.
One of the biggest bombshells Stranger Things 3 had to offer was that Dustin has a girlfriend. The running joke throughout the season is that Dustin made her up...until it becomes convenient because she provides the key to shut down the gate to the Upside Down.
That's where people have been going off the rails. In order for her to give the key, Suzie requested that Dustin should sing the Neverending Story theme song, which, at first glance,  rekindled the spirits of the young at heart. But had she given the key upfront, the gate would have been shut sooner, and Hopper and Billy would have likely lived.
I never went as far as blaming Suzie for their deaths, but I did think it was sad that Suzie probably thought Dustin was pretending.
Dustin has let the world know that he is a self-proclaimed nerd, and everyone he talks to thinks he has an active imagination. He asked how to make a sensory deprivation tank, and his teacher thought nothing of it. With that being said, Suzie probably thought Dustin was playing a complicated version of Dungeons & Dragons where one of the clues was Planck's Constant.
Also, you have to think of this from Dustin's perspective. He really can't come out and say he's fighting monsters from alternate dimensions, or the Russians have invaded the U.S. When he said it her, she brushed it off, going back to my imagination point from earlier.
One other thing. Suzie hasn't heard from Dustin since they left Camp Knowhere. We, as the audience, know he's crazy about her. But when she finally talks to him, it's a test for her to make sure he's serious about their relationship, and it wasn't just a fun story from camp. Recently, I have discussed Hopper's behavior as shown in Season 3 and how it changed. Suzie has proven to show that she's a strong independent woman who won't let anyone boss her. Dustin tries to reason with her about the song, but it obviously doesn't work. It also kind of shows that Dustin is a Yes Man to Suzie, her love slave if you will.
Even if Suzie had given the key right away, there is still a possibility that the knock off T-1000 could have shown up and foiled Joyce and Hopper's plan. There are a ton of ways closing the gate could have been difficult.  When El closed the gate in Season 2, it was kind of anticlimactic. Don't get me wrong, it was a bitchin' thing to watch. She was screaming, blood running from her nose, she was levitating, she closed that sh*t up tight. But it was too easy. I'm sure there was no way the Duffers would use that tactic two seasons in a row.
Other possibilities to slow down closing the gate could be that it was more complicated than Alexi remembered. The other scientists could have changed the setup. The key may not have been Planck's Constant after all. The T-1000 could have already been inside the room or had a henchman waiting. Closing the gate could have taken the same amount of time the Death Star took to fire its super laser in the third act of A New Hope, causing the T-1000 show up sooner. I think the Duffers thought killing Billy and maybe  Hopper would create the highest emotional impact out of all the possible scenarios, and it pays off. Had Hopper and Billy lived, there is a possibility that viewers may not want to tune in to the final(?) season. The post-credit scene in the finale may have a negative reaction instead of brewing theories about the unnamed American and why are the Russians feeding prisoners to a Demogorgon.
Should the Duffers decide to bring Suzie into the Stranger Things family, and I hope they do, they might address this issue. Maybe Suzie will realize she may have caused two deaths in her cute stunt.
Wherever you stand on the issue, just know that these are the decisions made by the writers, the directors, the actors, and all the people who represent Netflix.

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