"Crazy Rich Asians"

Are you ready for a stir fry of movie tropes set in a topical location and served with half a compelling plot? Because Crazy Rich Asians is the movie for you. Based on the best-selling novel, and Meet the Parents and The Proposal, Rachael stars as an economics professor who goes with her dashing boyfriend to his cousin’s wedding in Singapore. But before they even left the airport, they are escorted to first class, where she learns that her dashing boyfriend is heir to a titular wealthy family. Then she reunites with her friend from college, Awkwafina, and they head to the mansion. She gets invited to a bachelorette weekend where she gets ambushed with a gutted fish in her hotel room. Instead of running away knowing that the family doesn’t approve of her, she fights back by chatting up the royal princess about an economic article the princess wrote. Then comes the MOST! B*TCHING! WEDDING! EVER! I mean, HOLY SH*T! I stand, and I APPLAUD! They decorate the church with plants and grass, which was okay. A woman starts singing “I Can’t Help Falling in Love with You,” the flower children walk down the aisle, then the woman stops singing, and the aisle floods with water, and here comes the bride. Mind blown. Movie weddings are ruined forever. There is no way you an out do this. Well, I would have added a cello bit when the music resumed. Still great though.

Then Mother decides to play dirty and hire a private investigator to uncover Rachael’s dirty past that even she didn’t know about; her mother was married to another and had an affair, and Rachael was the fruit of that passion. Rachael runs away. Her mother comes to town to take her home. Rachael defeats the dashing boyfriend’s mother at mahjong and telling her that she’s leaving to give her dashing boyfriend the happiness he deserved, but the dashing boyfriend chases her down at the airport, proposes to her, and takes her back to his house where everyone is suddenly all besties with Rachael, including Dashing Boyfriend’s mother.

The only thing keeping this film from being hailed as super brilliant is the fact that they cast two of the most American Asians Hollywood has to offer, Awkwafina and Ken Jeong. With them in the movie, you’re getting a low rate comedy with cat fights, you know, like some Mean Girls sh*t, and we almost the got that. The trailer seemed like there was going to be. The girls did some bawk-bawking but hardly any walk-walking. Instead of a cat fight, we get a casual win at mahjong and Rachael walking away like a smart comedy. You can probably do both good and bad comedy, but this movie couldn’t do it. It needs to pick a lane and stay in it.

One thing that happens in the beginning, and never shows up again, is the communication thing inspired by an episode of Gossip Girl; I thought it was going to be a reoccurring thing throughout the movie, but it doesn’t, with the exception of the “Hook, line, and sink her” text. Instead it gets this perfect movie thrown out of proportion and it goes downhill from there. See the paragraph above.

“There are children in America that are starving” is the cheapest shot put to film since Parzival virtually kicking Sorrento in the groin. And it was only funny because Dr. Ken said it.

For hopes in the coming sequel, I expect the film to work out whether it’s going to be a high rate or low rate comedy, give us the plot where Rachael is pregnant before the wedding, since we’ve already met the Focker in this movie. Oh…I think I just wrote the next film. Credit me. XOXO!

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Rotten Tomatoes Score: 92% Certified Fresh

IMDb Score: 7.2/10

Awards
Golden Globes

• Best Motion Picture Musical or Comedy - Nominated
• Best Actress in a Motion Picture Musical or Comedy Constance Wu - Nominated

(Click here to view more awards for "Crazy Rich Asians".)