"Guardians of the Galaxy"

We interrupt the MCU to bring you a group of misfits that tried their hardest to get you to like them, and it almost worked. Don’t get me wrong, there were scenes where I hinted a smile, maybe a chuckle.

But why should I care for these people? We got a junker, an assassin, a raccoon, a tree and a warrior who just all happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, all hunting for the mysterious orb. They all go to prison, bust out of the prison, deliver the orb to Gamora’s dealer, this movie’s bad guy, Ronan, steal’s the orb, which has an Infinity Stone, and they steal it back and hand it to the city that was threatened with annihilation.

Peter Quill, aka Star-Lord, is supposed to have a killer soundtrack, but even for an old song lover, I don’t know any of those songs, nor do I care. I only recognize the beginning song because JC Penney has been using it in their ad campaign.

"Convergence" by Jackson Pollack. Oil on canvas  ©1952

He is also too grounded and relatable with some things we just don’t talk about. When Gamora calls his ship filthy, he says, “If I had a black light, the whole place would look like a Jackson Pollack painting. Those of you who haven’t taken an Art class, have you seen a Jackson Pollack painting? Do you know what one looks like? If you haven’t, turn your attention to the picture on the right. And certain bodily fluids can glow under a black light. THAT’S DISGUSTING! My mother had to pause the movie to get her “EWWWW!” out.

So, the purple alien we see at the end of The Avengers is called Thanos. He wants the orb for some reason, only you nerds out there know, so shh!

Guardians actually broke new ground by not having the main character kiss the love interest. Gamora may have seen the other movies in MCU and said “nope!”

I gotta side with Star-Lord on one thing. Yondu screaming “I saved your life because they wanted to eat you” isn’t something you can throw into people faces. Would you swear loyalty to someone who keeps yelling stuff like that? 

We get to see Yondu’s mysterious arrow in action only once, and it was unsatisfying. It plugged through fifty men and a spaceship, woohoo. K

Groot is obviously the most loved character, and his death was tragic, but he is a representation of the kid you have to tell to not touch anything. In the end, when he plows his branchy arm into those soldiers, waves them around, drops and turns and smiles, he’s like “hee hee, look what I did.”

Rocket acts like he doesn’t know what a raccoon is, and then he goes on a drunken tangent that he never asked to be torn apart and put back together again. So, does he know what a raccoon is? Is he from Terra/Earth? Or are there raccoons elsewhere in the galaxy? What kind of other Terra like creatures live in other parts of the galaxy?

We hear more of the Infinity Stones. In Thor: The Dark World, Jane says the Aether told her that Kreacher the Dark Elf used it to destroy a planet. The Collector says that the Infinity Stones are forged from the concentrated matter left over from the destroyed planets. That links to the red stuff that Thor’s buddies hand over to the Collector in the end credits scene of that movie. I wish the movies would bring more insight about them instead of just implanting seeds of the next adventures to come.

Oh and this end credits scene brings back Howard the Duck. Never saw his only outing, but is he going to be important in the future?

Calling this a win is an overstatement. It is definitely different from we've seen before. But we don't know how they relate to the rest of the MCU. The closest thing that could tie them is Peter Quill being from Earth. I think this movie only exists to distract us and give us a new story to focus on. Iron Man is pretty much done, The Incredible Hulk fell off the face of the planet, Thor is dragging its ass, Captain America is the only one that's on top, I think. So this is probably a good thing the Guardians have a movie. We need new characters. I'll call it a win to keep the peace. Which brings it to 5 wins, 4 losses, and 1 draw.

I hope you liked this. Be sure to subscribe and leave a comment about what you thought or if you want to recommend a movie for me to review. Thank you for reading. I'll return next week with another movie. See you then.

P. S. If you like this, checking out my new blog Before I Go See It, where I give upcoming movies a taste before they hit the theaters. My new post on Alita: Battle Angel is now available. 

Released On: August 1, 2014
Rating: PG-13
Stars: Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Bradley Cooper, Vin Diesel, Michael Rooker
Director: James Gunn
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 91% Certified Fresh
IMDb Score: 8.1/10

Awards
Academy Awards

• Best Visual Effects Stephane Ceretti, Nicolas Aithadi, Jonathan Fawkner & Paul Corbould - Nominated
• Best Makeup and Hairstyling Elizabeth Yianni-Georgiou & David White - Nominated

Grammy Awards

• Best Compilation Soundtrack for Visual Media Guardians of the Galaxy: Awesome Mix Vol. 1 - Nominated

(Click here to view more awards for "Guardians of the Galaxy")

Videos
Screen Junkies - Honest Trailers - Guardians of the Galaxy
CinemaSins - Everything Wrong With Guardians of the Galaxy
How It Should Have Ended - How Guardians of the Galaxy Should Have Ended